there are so many big changes happening in my life! today my future roommate and i looked for applied at apartments. i have submitted my grad school application. i have attended my volunteer orientation and start in two weeks (!!!). i may have a new job that pays more than i have ever made very soon. it feels good to be active and working toward something. it feels good to have a supportive boyfriend and friends and family. i am ready for change.

so.

in the past three days i have been denied unemployment, my mom told me she’s sick and she’s worried that if she goes into the hospital she won’t make it out, and I keep acting like a jealous gf. they say that bad things happen in threes. i hope this is the end of all of these bad things! i feel so gross and overwhelmed. i know that in order for things to get better they have to get worse, but this is ridiculous. i don’t want to leave my house anymore.

I have moved a lot. And it’s always my first instinct when things don’t go the way I would like to pack up and move. Except I’m pretty sure I need to stay in Seattle. And things like my neices and boyfriend make me not want to leave. I just hate the feeling of being confined. I can’t count how many resumes I’ve sent and everyday I get more antsy.

feeling discouraged. like it’s a quarter life crisis?  feeling lonely like i’m the only one who doesn’t know what they want to do/doesn’t have a plan. i’ve always had a plan. words of encouragement are being mistaken for words of criticism. i feel like if i had a car things would be easier. i think i’m pulling away from people. ugh. i just want to cry. i hate this waiting period and i hate feeling helpless.

this is my first time without a job in my entire life. i think it’s interesting that it’s looked at almost as a rite of passage. though i have sent out lots of applications i worry. let’s hope the lord takes care of it, and i am not sleeping in the gutter and kitty in foster care.